There's no Hiding..

After this week it's a new semester. I'm happy about it. I like new beginnings, it brings hope to me. I like changing, which you'd think is bull right? like... looking back on things, u wish they were the same, and yet, you (me) have the potential to create a even better situation for yourself in the future.

it doesn't pay to move backward.

So i have a week off next week. Which makes me so happy.
a perfect opportunity for a start of change.

A lot has already change for the better.
There's one thing i wish i could change the most. But it doesn't just involve me. A person i know is being a DUMB ASS and can't make up his mind bout what he wants, or maybe he knows what he wants and I'm being played. isn't that always the case?
life is so predictable
so why do i let these things annoy me so much when i know it's going to happen?
or be suprised!
WAAA!

i should just marry G dragon.

Be more Interesting...

My attitude has changed over the last few days. i figure nothing is going to change unless i do it. Isn't that always the case? Stupid i know... life is annoying that way. the only person u can depend on is yourself.

but back on topic. A couple days ago i had a dream that has inspired me to start writing a new story. The book i was working on before is so flexible i can always go back to it whenever.

The story is basically about two twin brothers. They are aliens (i know, i know stupid twist. like aliens will be the new vampires. but I'm gonna make it as less retarded as possible.) and both are friends with the main character who is this girl. The twins have like this... unbreakable bond or w/e, and if it's broken everything becomes a disaster. one of the boys falls in love with the girl (yada yada) and the bond is broken for one cares about another more then their own blood (yada yada). u get the gist. but this relates in them becoming enemies, and a huge battle forms. i don't know where it goes from there. still figuring things out. but again u get the gist.

Anyway, other than that i have been trying to think of ways to keep my insanity while getting through high school with a passing grade, and experiencing new things while improving myself as a person. blah blah.

I spend most of my after school hours on the computer at the library with anime freaks and gaming geeks watching hot Asian boy bands on YouTube.

My current book: "King Dork"
Current page: 31
Review: pretty good, funny (in a "high school sucks and I'm funny cause I'm sarcastic" kinda way) Will keep reading,

I'm Sick of this... (trapped in a bubble)

I'm getting sick of school. I know, what's new right? At first it was awesome though! Meeting new, interesting people, having fun, laughing everyday. It felt like i had been trapped in a bubble for the longest time, not able to speak or touch anyone, invisible. I was let out, but now i feel trapped in a different bubble. People see me, but not really. like... I'm half here, and before i saw myself. now i don't know. i don't know who i am anymore, something i was so proud of, knowing and loving myself. but i have changed so much i just don't know anymore.
I'm in a daze. Hiding in large black hoodies and barrying my head in books. i feel utterly alone amongst a group of friends. i feel... lost.
i have no idea what to do! explore these feelings? figure out what I'm doing wrong, or not at all. y i feel this way. i don't trust anyone but the people that are closets too me, and yet so physically far away. People i have known for years and never met.

But anyway. on to a different topic.
Have u ever noticed that... the people who stand out the most, or the people who want to be noticed the most, wear black? I mean... It's ment to hide, not make u an out cast even more, and i use outcast as a good term~

I'll trap myself in my head

Punish me
hurt me
cause i can't see
what u think i see

I felt like you
i hurt like you
and i do
what i always do

I trap myself
in my own damn world
away from you
I'm just a girl

Why don't you
just shoot me
for the mistake
i did on purpose

For the hurt i caused
myself

Rub acid in my cut
while i try to fix
your wound

Think ill of me
while i think
fondly of you

I'm sorry
shoot me
I'm sorry
kill me
I'm sorry
hurt me
I'm sorry
...

Love Hate Thing

We are all masochists!!!
i was thinking this on my way home from school today.
We all love pain, especially us teenagers. we love vampires, horror, blood, skulls, black, needles, piercings, tattoos! We love getting our hearts broken too, and being DEPRESSED AND HATEFUL AND DRAMATIC. It makes life more interesting. WE WANT TO BE THE ONE TO STAND OUT! TO SAY, IT'S ALL UR FAULT! or when we meet someone like us, we can say YOUR JUST LIKE ME, YOU UNDERSTAND ME! YOU KNOW WHAT I HAVE GONE THOUGH. no. we are all posers. We love the pain, and we love you for granting it to us cause it gives us something to do, and a reason for doing stupid shit, oh and a way to "stand out".

Although i shouldn't say we love it all. It's like a love, hate thing. When I'm depressed, at the time it happens i dread it, DREAD, but in the back of my head i hear a tiny voice going "niiiiicccee" maybe it's just me! but hey, take my school for example, drama drama drama. GET OVER YOUR SELVES!

i say i don't like drama, but i do. it's a good entertainment, the kind of drama like, you have a deep dark secret and the dramatic moment of when everyone knows it, it gives me a thrill! THE SUSPENSE! IT KILLS! Drama is also good way to get back at people (not like gossip, gossip is just annoying, not maniacal one bit). At gym today i felt like my legs were gonna fall off, part of me wishes i passed out cause my gym teacher is such a jackass, i wanted him to feel like he did something wrong. Maybe thats a little evil.

We'll never realize that high school is the real world.. we always think that once we go to collage or get a job, it'll be different. sure it will in some ways! Like people will be less annoying and immature, but there will still be the class clown, the pretty girl (or a girl that thinks she's pretty, or all that, or sometimes the jock that likes to beat u, but then u could just sew um! More like the annoying boss or kiss ass in you're office) that will try to fuck with you.

I'm never working in an office.

...

" In the city streets,
There's no hiding
there's no running..."

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I'll say what the fuck i want
i don't care
don't like it?
don't read!

i'm a city gurl
i go to an art school
i love photography
+ poetry
I'M NOT YOU HA!

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